Should You Ask Friends or Family to Officiate your Wedding? Pros & Cons

Perhaps you’re not religious, or maybe you’re getting married in a city far away from your home congregation. It may be tempting to ask your college roommate or Uncle Bob to officiate. This hits two birds with one stone-- include a valued friend or family member while saving money. It’s a great decision… or is it? Let’s delve into the pros and cons of asking a friend or family member to officiate your wedding so you can make an informed decision when selecting your officiant.

What is the Role of the Officiant?

While it’s easy to become ordained to perform weddings online, there are rules associated with officiating a wedding. If these rules are broken, there are major consequences-- namely, you might not *actually* be legally married when the ceremony is over.

Rules vary by state and since we’re a wedding venue, not a legal blog, it’s best to check online for the most up-to-date information on who can officiate a wedding in Florida. One of the most popular online ordination sites in the world is the Universal Life Church. With over 20 million ordinations under their belt, your officiant could join Benedict Cumberbatch, Richard Branson, Conan O’Brien, and Lady Gaga as a minister for the ULC.

An officiant’s role is two-fold: logistical and legal.

From a logistical standpoint, officiants are responsible for conducting the wedding ceremony. The couple and officiant will work together before the wedding to plan the ceremony. Will your wedding follow a traditional script or will you get creative with your own traditions? The officiant will stand at the front with the couple to ensure the vows are said, the rings exchanged, and a kiss is shared.

From a legal standpoint, the officiant is responsible for overseeing the signing of the legally binding marriage contract. Together with the couple and witnesses, the officiant fills out the marriage license and ensures its proper filing at the county clerk’s office. If the legal part is done incorrectly, your marriage may not be legally binding-- and that’s not something you want to mess with!

Pros of Having a Family Member or Friend Officiate your Wedding

Your wedding day is not only a celebration of the love between yourself and your partner-- it’s also a day to honor the people who have impacted your life up until this point. You’ve chosen bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, and readers. Selecting a friend or relative to officiate your wedding is a wonderful way to honor their role in your life.

If a hired officiant hasn’t known you and your partner as a couple, the ceremony can seem generic-- even after an in-depth interview is conducted. When you select a friend or family member, the ceremony is more intimate and personal. Friends and family members have a unique perspective on the couple’s love story, creating an engaging and memorable ceremony.

Many professional officiants are associated with a faith tradition. If you’re planning a secular wedding, a friend or family member can help you plan a ceremony that celebrates your personal views instead of the views of a certain faith.

The average cost of a professional officiant is between $200 and $450. When you ask a friend or family member to officiate the wedding, the service is often performed as a gift, saving a few hundred dollars.

 If sentimentality and cost-saving strategies are priorities on your wedding day, ask a friend or family member to officiate.  With someone you know officiating, you’ll enjoy a personalized wedding experience a hired officiant is unlikely to match.

Cons of Having a Family Member or Friend Officiate your Wedding

Your wedding is one of the most important days of your life, and the right officiant is key to making sure that day goes smoothly. Is your friend or family member the right person to officiate your wedding? We’ve talked about the pros, now let’s consider a few cons of having a friend or family member officiate your wedding.

There’s a reason hired officiants are called professionals. They’ve officiated dozens, if not hundreds, of weddings before yours. They understand the flow of a ceremony and are skilled at handling any issues that may arise.

Lots of people get cold feet while public speaking. If your officiant freezes, your ceremony is at a standstill until they regain their composure. There is no backup plan for an officiant, and stage fright steals the spotlight from the couple.

On the other hand, if your friend or family member is known for their “class clown” tendencies, your officiant could steal the show by way of theatrics. Be sure to discuss appropriate attire and whether you’d like them to share personal stories to avoid any wedding ceremony awkwardness.

Lastly, your wedding should be a day of fun and celebration for you and your guests. When the role of officiant falls to a friend or family member, there’s an added layer of stress on you and your officiant.

After considering the pros and cons of asking a friend or family member to officiate your wedding, we hope you’re better prepared to understand the role of the officiant and select the best fit for you and your partner. Whether you select a friend, family member, or professional to stand in front of you to officiate your wedding day, the most important decision is the person standing next to you!